But… But Cheeto Benito is funnier and more accurate…

If that’s true it’s shocking because I think most people assume he knows nothing

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It looks like betamax digitized to laserdisc

“What a bunch of losers and suckers”

-Flabby von Poopentrousers

So… from professional lapses to prolapses?

Shocking revelation of shock jock schlock

The evidence is coming out

😱

I’ve seen this one before, try Paramount+ or something

You have to seal the bag if you don’t want TACO to get stale

Me out now! Me out now! Me out now!

He’s either kicking himself out of office, or demanding his own sexual liberation.

Bill Nothing here, just excited to get you started for orientation. Here is a pair of Happy Knees, your regulation genital cuff, there’s a shortage of ball gags but Linda in the kitchen has an assortment of citrus fruit that we’re using for the moment. Your gimp suit is probably a size too small but you’ll just have to make it work, we’re at war after all. Let’s see… Oh your badge and standard issue firearm, a full contingent of body armor, three hundred extra small condoms, a utility belt of pump bottles for lube, lotion, petroleum jelly, hand sanitizer and barbecue sauce… I think that covers it.

Day one orientation will include a full body cavity search of Stephen Miller himself, and you will be graded on thoroughness, depth and aggression.

Oh, one last thing, when Stephen yells at you, you have to make it seem like you’re afraid, or stressed out. Afterwards he will insist that you stroke his head and sing lullabies to him while he cries into the ceremonial tear bowl. President Trump often enjoys watching that part, so don’t be surprised. Also please list any dependents on your HR intake form and asterisk any that are under twelve. That’s it, welcome to ICE, Secretary Twilitsky.

I’m here for it